NEWYou can now listen to Fox News articles!
Now, tonight’s monologue is – surprise – about the media. And get this, the angle is how stupid they are. I’m nothing if not unpredictable. But their stupidity is so rich, Joe Biden wants to tax it.
Case in point, check out this tweet from this lonely hack from the Daily Beast, who pretended a joke question I did on “The Five,” was real. It was a parody multiple choice question where I ask, “Is Joe Biden a racist with blood on his hands?” The answers: A, yes… B, of course… C, a and b… D, all of the above.
If you can’t see that it’s a joke, “The View” is looking for a new cast member – and you should audition immediately. Anyway, his idiocy snagged in another sucker – Brian Klaas, a professor, who tweets:
“I’ve lived in several authoritarian regimes and this is more blatant and over-the-top than many of the state media propaganda networks in those countries.”
Way to humblebrag about living in Canada. But, he’s right. It was blatant and over-the-top – which is usually a sign that it’s a joke, dumbass. Another lefty with stage 4 cancer of the funny bone. These people couldn’t spell funny if you gave them the FU.
Anyway, that guy is a columnist for “The Washington Post” – so no wonder he couldn’t tell the difference between parody and reality. When lefties spend all their time around other lefties, they don’t need to. They just agree with their own feverish fantasies, and there’s no one there to apply the brakes.
Here’s a Huffington Post headline: “Fox News’ jokey Joe Biden graphic isn’t funny at all.” “Greg Gutfeld introduced a mock survey question on “the five” that went too far.”
Yeah, it went too far, says a listicle junksite that spends endless space labeling half of America bigots and murderers.
My phony quiz directly mocked their hysteria, but it flew over their heads like Dana trying to field a ground ball. But this cluelessness is not a bug in the system, it’s the system itself.
For example, have you noticed how the media is handling the Jussie Smollett case? It’s getting less coverage than Brian Stelter wearing a speedo. Apparently there’s tape of Smollett doing a “dry run” of the hoax. Hell- he didn’t rehearse that much for an episode of “Empire.”
But that’s big news, and you’ll only hear about it here. Why is that? Because how can you revisit a story that already made you look like an ass.
Montage of support for Smollett after his initial claim of being victim of hate crime
That’s America today? If your work at CNN, a******. It’s not America at all. It’s amazing, they fell for Smollett the way Dana fell for David Hasselhoff in the 80s – very, very hard. And they continue to distort the case.
Skit of Chess News Network trying to get a person to comment on the Jussie Smollett case as racist
It’s tough to come back from such fake news, and then report the real story, cuz you have to admit how stupid you are. The media should call in sick on April Fool’s Day.
So the press is now like all your relatives who voted for Biden cuz they said Trump was the worst president in history. Now – lately – they just don’t want to talk politics. That Daily Beast tweet is an analogy for the media’s embrace of all things fake, because they want it so bad to be true. It’s how I got catfished by that guy pretending to be Dr. Oz. To think I let him examine me… In a van.
And because they live in a bubble, no one will tell them how dumb they are – so they continue falling for jokes and hoaxes. Remember how Trump overfed those fish at the koi pond? Remember him injecting bleach? Remember the fine people hoax? The dossier? Remember how Trump kissed a baby while campaigning? Then proceeded to punt the brat into the crowd? Ok, I made that one up. Because we know the media would still find it believable.
Yep – all of these were manufactured phantoms, that the media amplified. Then when it turned out they were wrong – their memory is suddenly worse than Joe Biden’s. It’s why they can’t cover the biggest stories– like emails on Hunter’s laptop.
The sitting president was laundering corruption from our largest enemy through his son – and we have texts, emails and photos and suddenly they’re not curious. Because they went out of their way to pretend that story didn’t exist. In order to win an election.
They said Smollett was real before they checked. They thought Andrew Cuomo was God before they checked. They said hunter’s laptop was fake before they checked. They do less due diligence than Kat on Tinder.
And because they get so much wrong – eventually they won’t be able to comment on anything that reminds us of their wrongness. Pretty soon all you’ll hear on CNN is crickets.
Clip of CNN’s Brianna Keilar eating cicadas
See, it’s easy to track of all of their mistakes. Just look at the stories not being reported. Those are the big stories they got wrong before. And so they intentionally misread things, knowing they can get away with it.
CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP
So just to check you’re listening, I leave you with a final question…
Does the media intentionally avoid big stories because it exposes their incompetence and corruption? A, yes… B, of course… C, a and b… D, all of the above.
Note to the Daily Beast, that question isn’t a joke.
This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the December 3, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”