For some people, even the best isn’t good enough – as these cutting Tripadvisor remarks show.
They’ve been made by users of the travel site who checked into some of the world’s most renowned five-star hotels – and were left hilariously unimpressed, with the properties lambasted for crimes against hospitality that included a lack of mangoes at breakfast and fellow guests not being dressed ‘exquisitely’.
The Langham in London (rooms from £600), for instance, has been operating for over 150 years and counts Princess Diana, Winston Churchill, and Oscar Wilde among its former guests. But this venerable institution was only worth a two-star rating for user ‘Estherbelfield’, who was irked because there weren’t any free ‘biscuits or chocolates’ waiting in her room upon arrival.
One Tripadvisor reviewer criticised The Langham (pictured) because they weren’t gifted any ‘biscuits or chocolates’
The Langham is one of several revered London properties that’s felt the burning rage of a Tripadvisor reviewer.
The Dorchester, where rooms are priced from £995, was panned by user ‘OxfordHalalFoodie’, for having ‘boring sandwiches’. And another guest, ‘Caledon_Hockley’, in a three-star review headlined ‘Underwhelming’, cited the issue of being ‘the only one that was actually dressed exquisitely’ during the hotel’s afternoon tea.
‘The decor is vulgar and tasteless, the clientele is unsophisticated. It’s a Disney attraction.’ So reads reviewer ‘LordOddie’s rather scathing verdict on none other than The Ritz, where rooms rates begin at £606 a night.
And reviewer ‘clarej2610’ had a bone to pick with The Savoy (rooms from £442). ‘I prefer pillows with a little more exuberance,’ they wrote. Polite to the end, the hotel apologised and informed the guest that it has a ‘choice of pillows and bedding’ they could choose from in the future.
A Tripadvisor reviewer complained that their pillows didn’t have enough ‘exuberance’ during their stay at The Savoy (pictured)
Another miffed guest at The Savoy, user ‘V3389FPshirleyp’, announced that the ‘presentation of the papaya fruit’ at breakfast was ‘abysmal’.
The hotel’s uber-polite response? It thanked them for their ‘observations about the papaya’ and passed the message on to the executive chef.
A fifth property in the capital, the Corinthia Hotel London (rooms from £904), apologised for ‘not meeting’ one guest’s ‘expectations’ when reviewer ‘DDRochester’ declared that their gin and tonic was ‘uninspired’ – because it came with a slice of lemon.
The Corinthia Hotel London (pictured) apologised when one reviewer declared that their gin and tonic was ‘uninspired’ because it came with a slice of lemon
And the desserts at The Connaught, where room rates start at £991, didn’t fare much better than the Corinthia’s tipples. User ‘jsuh’ – who mustn’t have much of a sweet tooth – insisted that the ‘cakes were too sugary’ during their afternoon tea.
Meanwhile, in Oxfordshire’s Le Manoir aux Quat’Saisons – billed as a ‘sublime country retreat’ with rooms that start from £909 a night – one Tripadvisor user, ‘ericaw900’, was peeved by the bowl of fruit that they were offered in their sleeping quarters.
Describing the fruit gift as ‘depressing’, they asked: ‘Where was the chocolate? The least one should have [been] offered were some gorgeous flowers and chocolates.’
Scotland’s finest establishments aren’t safe from the nitpicking brigade either.
The historic Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh, above, wasn’t Scottish enough for one reviewer, who felt that the decor lacked ‘a lamp [made from] from antlers horn or cushion with a thistle on it’
Even though the historic Balmoral Hotel (rooms from £280), nestled in the heart of Edinburgh, is deliberately furnished in a colour palette that ‘embodies the Scottish landscape’, one reviewer felt it simply wasn’t ‘Scottish’ enough.
Offering tips on the decor, user ‘tigl0nd0n’ insisted that the hotel’s decorator ‘could have included a lamp [made from an] antlers horn or cushion with a thistle on it for good measure’.
Another Scottish institution, Gleneagles, where a room will set you back upwards of £519, was similarly chided for a perceived lack of Scottishness. User ‘LJNewcastle’, who gave it three stars, claimed that it ‘feels like more of an American resort than a Scottish hotel’.
Gleneagles (pictured) ‘feels like more of an American resort than a Scottish hotel’, according to one review
Across the channel, the grande dame hotels of the French capital didn’t fare much better.
Despite its glowing reputation – it was named the number one hotel in Paris in Conde Nast Traveler’s 2021 Reader’s Choice Awards – The Peninsula Paris (rooms from £862) struck a bum note with one reviewer.
Their issue with the hotel? ‘The chandeliers look flimsy,’ user ‘Jennifer W’ declared. Unfailingly polite, a member of staff offered to personally show the reviewer the ‘extraordinary work that has been done by the French craftsmen’ in the property upon their next visit.
‘The chandeliers look flimsy,’ wrote one reviewer upon their visit to The Peninsula Paris. Above is a bathroom in one of the hotel’s suites
Despite being set just 500m (1,640ft) from the Champs-Elysees, one reviewer wasn’t impressed by the location of Le Bristol Paris. Above is the hotel’s swish Imperial Suite
Across the city, another reviewer, ‘Flying2Fashion’, said that the location of Le Bristol Paris, where rooms start from £714, was ‘not great’ – even though the elite establishment is a mere 500m (1,640ft) from the Champs-Elysees. The hotel simply replied that the majority of guests find the location ‘most convenient’.
With rooms starting from a hefty £1,016 a night, Le Meurice is known as one of Paris’s finest establishments. However, reviewer ‘Advourner’ wasn’t a fan of their French television. ‘No USA channels,’ they declared, giving the hotel just a three-star rating.
The same complaint was made by a guest in one of Venice’s most high-end properties – the 15th-century Gritti Palace, where rooms start from £804 a night. Overlooking the fact that the Floating City was on their doorstep, user ‘Xfmt’ grumbled that there were ‘only two English speaking TV channels’ on their television.
After their stay at the 15th-century Gritti Palace (pictured) in the heart of Venice, one guest complained that there were ‘only two English speaking TV channels’ on their television
A reviewer claimed that the drapes in their room at the Hotel Principe Di Savoia were ‘obscenely ornate’. Above is the hotel’s presidential suite
Despite choosing to holiday in an international tourist hot spot, another reviewer, ‘Leone H’, was annoyed to hear ‘loud American accents’ during their stay at Venice’s Belmond Hotel Cipriani (rooms from £885), instead of ‘murmured restaurant conversations in French and Italian’.
The decor in some of Italy’s most lavish hotels also failed to impress certain guests. User ‘mvfan’ said that the ‘rooms are a bit much’ at the luxurious St Regis Florence (rooms from £562), while user ‘Swissdiner’ moaned that the drapes in their room were ‘obscenely ornate’ at the Hotel Principe Di Savoia in Milan. The hotel, where rooms start from £381, replied that it was ‘sorry to hear that they did not find the hotel to their taste’.
The renowned Rome Cavalieri, where rooms start from £256, promises to ‘offer the ambience of a luxury five-star hotel’. But one visitor, user ‘sun_sea_light’, clearly wasn’t a fan of its five-star vibe, as they gave the property two stars and wrote: ‘The ambience was not acceptable.’
Above is the Palladio Suite at Belmond Hotel Cipriani. One hotel guest was annoyed to hear ‘loud American accents’ during their stay instead of ‘murmured restaurant conversations in French and Italian’
Moving up through Europe, in the Palais Hansen Kempinski Vienna in Austria (rooms from £238), guest ‘Rudiger R’, who gave the hotel just one star, had a rather unusual complaint. Their issue? There were ‘bus tourists’ staying at the hotel at the same time.
It was the cocktail bar – and its snack offering – that left one guest miffed during their visit to the Gstaad Palace in Switzerland (rooms from £1,299). ‘Even in London’s worst bar one gets peanuts or crisps… well, we did not,’ user ‘Gordon R’ wrote.
There were more cocktail bar qualms at Raffles Singapore (rooms from £763), the birthplace of the Singapore Sling. One reviewer, ‘Stewie2014’, complained that the hotel’s Long Bar ‘could have been the bar out of Cheers’ and likened the hotel to a ‘theme park’.
‘Even in London’s worst bar one gets peanuts or crisps… well, we did not,’ wrote one reviewer after their visit to the bar at Gstaad Palace (pictured)
One guest likened Raffles Singapore (pictured above), the birthplace of the Singapore Sling, to a ‘theme park’
Another unimpressed reviewer, ‘DanMadigan’, lambasted W Doha – which has rooms from £152 and was recently voted the best hotel in the Middle East – because he had a curved sofa with ‘lots of cushions’ in his room. ‘Not much use if you want not relax with a book’, apparently.
With rooms priced at a staggering £1,498, the Burj Al Arab in Dubai describes itself as a ‘global icon of Arabian luxury’. However, the hotel’s selection of luxury cars failed to charm one reviewer, ‘Nan S’, who insisted that the ‘old Rolls-Royce and Bentley’ at the entrance ‘did not appeal’ to them at all.
Fussy guests have also shared their views on some of New York’s swankiest properties.
A guest at W Doha – recently voted the best hotel in the Middle East – made it clear they weren’t keen on the curved sofa with ‘lots of cushions’ in their room
Even though it counts an array of A-listers among its clientele, including Meghan Markle, The Mark Hotel (rooms from £938) and its ‘avant-garde’ furnishings were met by criticism from user ‘pbgfoodie’, who described it as ‘Holiday Inn decor’ that’s ‘worthy of a budget hotel’ with ‘a former Soviet Union look – cold, barren, modernist and uninviting’.
‘The unique visions of a talented group of acclaimed artists may not be appreciated by every single guest that enters through our doors,’ read the hotel’s courteous response.
User ‘catherinebassick’ was similarly unmoved by the fancy interior of The Peninsula New York, where the rooms cost from £721. ‘The rooms look like jail cells,’ they wrote in their one-star review.
They weren’t the only reviewer to draw comparisons between prison blocks and posh five-star hotels – after their stay at the St Regis Deer Valley in Utah, where rooms rates start from a whopping £1,361, user ‘George S’ claimed the resort ‘looks like a penitentiary’.
On the west coast, at the Hotel Bel-Air, where rooms cost upwards of a princely £1,051 per night, one reviewer, ‘CDUB212121’, was confused by the concept of a minibar. ‘The minibar should be free,’ they complained, only for the hotel to ‘apologize on behalf of the entire team’.
User ‘catherinebassick’ was unmoved by the fancy interior of The Peninsula New York (pictured above at Christmas in 2015), where the rooms cost from £721. ‘The rooms look like jail cells,’ they wrote in their one-star review
The ‘old Rolls-Royce and Bentley’ at the entrance of the Burj Al Arab (pictured) ‘did not appeal’ to one reviewer
‘We may have missed the mark for you this time.’ So reads Waldorf Astoria Beverly Hills’ (rooms from £825) response to guest ‘TwoAdventure’, who griped that the hotel’s ‘black and gold decor’ wasn’t Californian enough.
There was even harsher criticism of the interior design at one of Australia’s fanciest establishments, Park Hyatt Sydney (rooms from £681). ‘Decor is close to soul-destroying,’ bluntly wrote reviewer ‘gmqhgmqh’.
Despite being so posh that rooms start at an eye-watering £1,810 per night, Four Seasons Resort Seychelles was found seriously wanting in the breakfast buffet department. Reviewer ‘720petyar’ was peeved to find that there were no mangoes on offer. And, adding insult to injury, the ‘breakfast fruits were not cooled enough’.
‘We experienced paranormal activities there,’ claimed one guest after their stay at Umaid Bhawan Palace (pictured)
Finally, at Umaid Bhawan Palace in Jodhpur, India, (rooms from £376), reviewer ‘neetilodha’ gave the palatial hotel just one star for a very unusual reason.
Their complaint? ‘We experienced paranormal activities there.’
Ever the professionals, the hotel thanked the reviewer for their feedback and vowed to give them a ‘great hotel experience’ upon their next visit.